CHAPTER 25: COULDN'T
"Is he...I mean, Phun. Is he still with his girlfriend?"
I'm a little perplexed by Golf's question for a couple of reasons. Why is he asking me about this out of the blue? More importantly, shouldn't he be asking Phun about this? Why is he asking his friend instead?
"With Aim? Well, yeah. All of us were having dinner together just earlier." Suddenly, I feel a strange sharp pain in my heart after I gave Golf an answer. I need to keep telling myself over and over that it is a good thing that they haven't broken up.
I take in a deep breath as I glance at Golf's muddled face. It seems like he isn't happy with the fact that his friend's romance life is flourishing. What's up with this guy? "Is there something the matter?"
Golf is still not giving me an answer even though I repeated my question. He shakes his head and takes another hit of the cigarette before he hands me an XDA O2. What is with him? "Eh? Are you showing off? Whatever, I'm starting to hate hanging out with rich guys," I make a joke as an excuse to insult him so he smacks me in the head. I guess I was wrong? ^^"
"Dumbass, I'm not trying to show off. Just take a look at the video." Jeez, I don't see why he needs to get all serious. I glance at his face which has a grim expression, then I accept the fancy phone and take a look. At any rate, how do I use this thing anyway? Which buttons am I supposed to be pressing?
"How do you use this?!" I complain loudly as I use the stylus to hit random icons but Golf isn't even paying attention to me. (Don't blame me if I break your shit.) He walks away to continue smoking in a nearby area. I guess he's afraid that the smoke might be bothering me.
At last, I somehow clumsily made my way through to the video tab. Holy shittt! There are a ton of porn in here!
"Damn, you're kind of a pervert. Send me some later, heh heh heh." I shout to him so that he'd laugh. However, he rushes back once he hears me.
His ominous expression is confusing me. He uses one of his palm to cover the screen and stares at me. "Take a look at this. Then tell me what you see," he tells me before he leaves and goes back to have a smoke. So he's just going to let this Noh stay confused like this?
The only way to find out what is going on is to watch the video.
I take a look at the video he had chosen and hit play. It seems be some sort of a homemade video since I see a guy's face covering the entire screen as he adjusts the camera before he walks to the bed. I'm feeling a little uncomfortable since I'm not sure whether what I'm watching right now is porn or not.
And I was right. -_-" The phone continues to play a porn clip. Now, there's a guy and a girl making out on the bed while being completely naked. (My guess is that it's a hotel room.) The camera is set a little too low so I can't see the girl's face very clearly. (I already saw the guy's face when he was setting up the camera.)
Damn, the girl has a really nice body. Her skin is light and smooth. Her breasts are the perfect size, they're not too small but not too big either. I'm starting to get worried for myself since I'm not sure if I should keep watching. What if I get into a mood right here and now? That'd be bad. What the fuck is Golf trying to do here? Is he just messing with me?
Just as I am about to turn my head so I can yell at the owner of the cell phone, I am at a loss for words when I notice what is playing on the screen. At this point, I am more than certain that I will never ever get turned on by this clip.
I widen my eyes so I can see clearly, just to make sure. The couple falls on the bed so I am able to see the girl's face.
I see a perfectly beautiful face which is very familiar to me. I recognize those pair of eyes since I see them very often. She squints as though she is filled with lust. I can see a tall nose and a pair of red lips. She is biting them as she gets into the mood.
I have never seen her face during these moments before. But based from what I am seeing, all my senses are telling me that this girl is...
...Aim. Phun's girlfriend. This is definitely my friend's girlfriend.
So many thoughts are running through my head as I stare at the screen and witness everything that is going on. I can't watch this any longer. I hit pause and turn my face away even though the clip goes on for several more minutes.
It seems Golf realizes that I finally understand what he wanted to tell me. He walks over to gently pat my head after he pulls the phone away from my hand, "I couldn't finish it either. I felt fucking awful."
"What's the meaning of this?" I ask him as I sit down on the sidewalk, feeling completely exhausted. I could never have imagined that I'd ever have to deal with something like this.
Golf crouches down next to me, "That guy in the clip is my friend. Um, at my school..." He begins.
"Aim is pretty well-known. Nearly all my friends have slept with her already."
"How is this even possible...?"
"And they don't even need to spend a single buck," he continues as he blows a puff of smoke. I don't know what Golf means by this, but I really detest what he said.
"Yo, maybe this is all a misunderstanding. You're ruining her reputations here."
"I've...dealt with her personally, Noh." I quickly turn my head to face him, "Dealt with how?"
I was at Jet the other day. I ran into Aim, she was hanging out with a bunch of my friends.
"Then what?"
"She started getting little drunk and she pretty much threw herself at me. I guess she didn't know which school I previously went to. I assumed that Aim broke up with Phun."
"..........."
"We even got all the way to the hotel, but I couldn't do it. It didn't matter how hot she was, I used to see her around so it felt weird. I just couldn't do it. I didn't even get hard, man. Fuck, I wasted my money paying for that hotel room. Heh heh." I force out a dry chuckle along with Golf since he probably was just being obnoxious when he complained about the money. I know that a guy who loves his friends like Golf could never do something like that, even if he and Phun aren't very close or anything.
I don't know what else to say. Everything is all muddled inside my head. The evidence is right there in the form of a video. Golf even told me what happened with him. But I'm too afraid, too afraid to believe anything. My brain is telling me that there has to be some sort of a mistake. I desperately wish that this is all just a misunderstanding.
Golf notices that I'm having a hard time accepting this so he reaches over and slightly squeezes my shoulder, "Just give Phun a heads up. I feel really bad for him, man."
"How...? I don't even know how I'll be able to tell him about this," I answer him while I keep my hands in a tight fist. I see that Golf is giving me an understanding nod.
We sit there in silence for a long while before Golf pats my shoulder and invites me to go back inside. I'm completely at a loss in this moment.
Once I made it back to the table, booze was the first thing that I asked for.
"Yo, what the hell did you do to Noh?! Why is he turning into some drunken old man?!" The sound of Earn's loud yelling at Golf reaches my ears. I suppose it had to do with how my glass is never empty ever since I got back inside with Golf. Who says I'm drunk anyway?! I'm not drunk at all!
I just feel like the gravity is too strong lately. Why does my head keeps aiming for the ground?
"Get me another oneee," Even though Earn keeps nagging me, I still got Ohm who has my back. He continues to mix drinks for me to the point where I lost counts of how many I've had. Ohm must be pretty wasted himself, because each glass continues to get stronger and stronger.
I lift my heavy lids to see that my friends had ordered another bottle of Black Label. Things are getting a little blurry for me, I guess my eyes are starting to lose focus. I see Keng's faint shadow as he hits me on the head as he tells everyone, "This bastard is so damn wasted."
What?! I'm not wasted! I'm starting to get pissed off, but I don't really care who is saying what. I only know that my head is killing me right now. I'm in no mood to argue with anybody. I'm keeping my head low and I feel like the ham hock and the salmon are about to make their way back up my throat. I decide it'd be better if I keep my head up instead.
I stare up to the ceiling and fight against the lights from the restaurant. I feel like my brows are furrowed so much, it's like there are magnets pulling them together. No matter how hard I try to force them apart, I am unable to do it.
All the thoughts inside my head are having a battle. I'm so confused. I don't know what to do at all.
I saw those images from the video clip only for a short moment, yet the reality of it is so clear in my head. My thoughts are telling all my senses what kind of a woman that person is. Those things, along with Golf's voices which are replaying loudly inside my head, are telling me over and over what had happened. Things that Phun have no idea has happened.
I think of Phun's smile. The smile that he gives me to me, to Aim and to everybody. That eternally beautiful smile of his. I cannot bring myself to forgive the person who has destroyed that smile. I cannot bring myself to forgive the person who couldn't see what a prize Phun really is. No, not for the person who made it clear that all of Phun's loving and good intentions were for naught.
This is hurting me so much more than the night we had to say goodbye.
My hands are in a tight fist. My nails are digging into my flesh. I can only think about how devastated Phun will be. My insides are being squeezed so tight that it hurts. I shouldn't have learned about this at all.
Because I don't know if there's anything I can do for Phun. Or, should I just let things be as they are?
My head is filled with the only word why. Why? Why?
My friends are still partying and laughing away with no sign of stopping. I don't have the energy to join them. This isn't because I'm drunk, but rather I'm so drained from my own thoughts. I admit that I cannot let this grave mistake continue. I'm too scared to think whether what I experienced tonight is the truth, or if it's only a dream. Maybe this is not all there is to the story. Aim might have a reason (that I cannot think of). Or maybe that wasn't Aim at all.
I shout at myself internally, telling myself not to fully believe in anything. Because in the end, Aim will be the one who has the most to lose and the person who will be most devastated is my friend.
I...don't want to believe any this...
"Noh, what's the matter?" I hear a familiar deep voice which interrupts my thoughts. I open my eyes to see the person standing in front of me with a silly smile on his face. "Who the hell let him drunk this much? He's red all over," Phun turns around to ask my friends.
"Yeah, yeah. You look take care of him. Your boyfriend seriously can't handle alcohol," Rodkeng says as he chuckles to himself. These bastards. If I have any energy left, I'd be kicking all your asses. But I don't. Not tonight.
I sit still and watch as Phun sits on my chair's armrest. He's having a great time chatting with our friends. Every once in a while, I'd hear his laugh. Nevertheless, he occasionally turns around to check whether I'm still alive.
"Noh! One more, one more!" Even so, Ohm continues to pass drinks my way. I'm definitely not turning them down either. I reach over to accept the glass, but someone else's hand blocks me. "He's pretty wasted, Ohm. I think he's had enough," there's only one person who would go against what I want.
"No way, Phun! We ordered this bottle so Noh needs take responsibilities for it!" Om's nagging voice means that he won't let this go easily. I can't really see what kind of face Phun is making, but I see a shadow of his hand accepting the drink for himself.
"You can make them for me instead then. I'll drink them myself," I reach over and instinctively grab his arm when I hear those words. "No, Phun. Just let me get drunk by myself."
"I won't be drunk. I'm not a weakling," he tells me with a hint of slyness in his voice that makes me want to kick him. However, I can't exactly do that right now. He pushes my forehead with his finger which makes me fall backwards because I have no strength to resist. "You're so wasted, there's no way you can keep drinking." He gently caresses my forehead with the same hand. I can't help but break into a smile.
I grab his hand that is on my forehead with mixed feelings," Phun..."
"Yes, what is it?"
"No matter what happens...I'll always be here for you, okay?"
