CHAPTER 22: THE THING WE CAN
It's morning and we're even closer to the tournament now. I'm pacing back and forth while staring at my own shoes in front of the student council office. I'm not sure if I should just open the door and enter. Would that be too weird? I keep pondering over and over while circling in this area to the point where I'm starting to get dizzy. I don't think I should keep doing this unless I want to leave a small present on the floor of this building. But...why am I pacing back and forth like this anyway?
I scold myself for a while before I decide to pull out my cellphone and stare at the screen. Well, I need to speak to Phun about the budget issues that we talked about, otherwise I'd be in trouble. What should I do? Should I just call him instead? But...
I secretly kinda wanna see him...
Wait! What am I even thinking?! This is so dumb! I hit my own head with my knuckles heavily for having such an appropriate thought about someone else's boyfriend. I decide to dial Phun's number and hit call.
‘It's wonderful enough that we are friends
Even though we can only be in the same vicinity
That person probably won't mind
It can't be helped that you fell in love with that person first
I keep having to hide everything
So that you cannot see them from my eyes’
Jeez...what the fuck is with this ringback tone of his? I immediately shove my phone away from my ear when I hear the lyrics. (Who sings this? I've never heard of it.) I only had a short amount of time to wonder before I hear Phun's deep voice on the other line.
"Yes, Noh?"
Don't be so damn polite! You're making me feel weird!
"Where the hell are you?"
"At the student council office. Where are you? Should I go and find you?" He's such a willing participant. I chuckle into my phone before I glance up to read the sign on top of the student council office. "See you in half a second."
It really was half a second before I pushed the door and entered the room the moment I hung up. Phun is stunned to see me. (He's still holding his phone up to his ear, heh heh.) However, he's not alone in the office. I forgot that this isn't actually his personal office. There's Fi (the student council president), Bank (I don't know his title), two 10th graders, and...Earn, the cheer team captain. They're all staring at me.
"Eh? Noh! What are you doing here?" Earn greets me before anyone else. There is a small smile on Phun's face as he puts his cellphone away. "Why didn't you just come in?" Heh heh heh. I guess Earn knows why I'm here now that he heard Phun's question.
I mockingly shrug at Phun before I turn to smile at Earn who appears to be counting items from a huge pile. Well, I guess my meddlesome genes is activating. "What's that, Earn?! That bag is freaking huge!"
"Souvenirs for the guys that will be on the stands." He answers me with a small grin as he shows one off to me. This year, the memento is a silver dog tag with our school's name on it. On the back, there's an engraved text which reads, "ALL IS ONE." It's so freaking pretty!
"That is sooooo freaking coooool! I want one! Can I get one if there are any leftovers?" I jump at the dog tags once I see them since I want one very badly. (So freaking much.) Earn breaks out in laughter, probably because I'm clinging to his arm like a kitten.
Why the hell is Phun clearing this throat anyway? I guess he's getting sick again.
"Ya don't need to wait for the leftovers, Noh." Earn tells me out of the blue. As usual, I don't quite understand what he means. I let go of his arm when I notice that he's rummaging through the the bag.
"I'll give ya one now." Not only he tells me this, but he hands me a dog tag too. My eyes are almost as wide as when he offered to let me borrow the money. Even though I'm pretty excited, I still do have some conscience left in me.
"What? I can't take that!" I quickly avoid the captain of the cheer team's hands which are about to put the dog tag around my neck. I'm causing a loud ruckus over not accepting it.
"Yo! Those belong to the underclassmen working on the stands! I should wait and if there are any leftovers then I'll take one. It'll look awful otherwise, man." And I meant that. It's true that I do get a souvenir meant for the cheer team participants every soccer tournament, but every single time they're leftovers after all the participants had received theirs. Those mementos are gifts for the junior high students who gave up their free time and were willing to work with the seniors. (Not to mention getting scolded at plenty of times.) They're not meant for the upperclassmen to give around to one another like this.
However, it seems that Earn doesn't care since he shrugs me off. "Whatever, there'll be leftovers anyway. I'm giving you one now so someone else can't take yours." He's still trying to put the dog tag around my neck. Jeez! No matter which way I'm trying to dodge him, I just can't get away from Earn who is as big as a bull.
"I don't waaant ittt."
"Nope, this one is considered given away. I'm not taking it back." He forcefully puts the dog tag around my neck with a wide grin on his face. I feel the dog tag with my fingers in a daze, it feels like I'm being forced into a situation once again.
"I'll be right back, Fi." Oh! That was Phun's voice! I almost forgot the reason I'm here! I quickly turn around to face Phun but he avoids my gaze. That jerk. He promptly makes his way out of the office. Dang it, dang it, dang it!
"I'll get you for this next time, Earn! I'll be right back!"
"Phun! Phun! Phun! Damn it, Phun! Fuck, I'm getting tired!" He races away from me. It's bad enough with those long legs of his but he's moving pretty fast too. It's like I'm chasing down a loose buffalo. Don't you feel bad for the person chasing after you?! It's not like I exercise regularly! Don't you know how tiring this is?
"Hey, I came to ask you about my club's budget!" I'm just going to yell since I can't catch up to him. I thought, while I shout down the path near the building that is usually pretty empty. It worked. Phun stops in his track and gives me an opportunity to catch up to him. He's still refusing to face me though.
"What's the matter? You're acting weird. Are you sick?" I reach over to take his temperature with the back of my hand by placing it on his neck. (Actually, I don't know how hot or cold it's supposed to feel like. I'm only doing this just because that's what people do in this situation.) But I notice that Phun quickly dodges me by leaning away before he finally turns around to face me.
"What about the budget? I'm still trying to help. Sorry." Phun looks so guilty that I need to pat him on the shoulder to comfort him. At any rate, I feel better hearing him saying that. I know that he is someone that'll help me no matter what. I don't regret having faith in him. I only came by to ask just to be sure, that was all.
"Are you in a rush?" Phun asks me again. I start to feel awkward. It's like my lips aren't moving the way I want them to. So, how should I answer him?
"Well...I was at first. Boss Pui delivered the drums yesterday and he wanted the money by the end of the week. But now...well...I'm still in a hurry just not as much anymore." That didn't make a lot of sense, did it? I'm just as confused.
"What does that mean? So do you need the money by the end of this week? If you do then take mine." Jeez. Our school is filled with rich dudes, is that it?!
"It's okay, it's okay. I ran into Earn yesterday and he helped transferred the money I needed. I just need to...pay him back. I don't want to be in his debt for too long, I feel bad about it." My voice is weakening as I explain this to Phun. I also notice that his expression is changing.
"You...told Earn about this...?"
"Yeah...I ran into him yesterday evening."
"And you talked to him about your budget issues?"
"Yeah...I was just looking for some advice."
"Advice?" At this point, I'm beginning to get annoyed by all these questions.
"What the hell is up with you? Why are you interrogating me about this?!" As usual, I yell at him. However, he quickly turns and stare at my face. I can feel my entire body shrinking to the size of a tennis ball.
How come he looks so scary? T__T
I flinch a little since Phun has such a mean expression on his face. I slowly take steps backward because the person in front of me is moving closer to me. Eventually, I can feel that there is a wall directly behind me.
Ah...I don't have any space left to flee. Is he gonna kill me and bury me under concrete to get rid of all the evidence? T__T
A hoarse noise leaves from Phun's throat. It is like it's coming from someone trying very hard not to raise their voice.
"You..." Me? Me what?
I stare back at him while he locks his eyes with mine. A moment later, he is the one that turns his face away. I can't help but let out a sigh of relief. I've never seen Phun with such an intense stare like this before. I figure that he's finally calming down, but then...
BANG!
Holy shit! Why did he hit the building?! If there are cracks then the chancellor will want us to pay, you know! I'm trying to make a joke out of it in my head even though I don't find any of this funny at all. I can't see Phun's face, but I know that he's boiling with anger. He takes in a deep breath before he begins to say something.
"Why didn't you...come to me when you were in trouble?" He asks me without looking at my face. As usual, I don't quite understand what he's trying to get at.
"What the heck, Phun?"
"So...you don't have any faith in me, huh?" He tells me before he lowers his fist from the wall. I can't see his face so I can't tell what kind of of mood he is in. At last, he walks away from me.
I don't have any faith in you?
It's been a very tiring day today. Despite the fact that I wasn't the one running the marching band practice, I still had the responsibilities of setting up all the band stuff. What's more, I had to repair nearly half of the entire instruments collection that our club members use. I spent so much time repairing them that I think I'd be able to open a repair shop after I graduated.
My watch tells me that it's past 10 pm by the time I arrive home. I throw my school bag on the bed before I lie down on my back and let out a long sigh.
What happened this afternoon with Phun is still bothering me. He told me that I don't have any faith in him...and I knew exactly what he meant.
I admit that I totally screwed up by not calling him in the first place. I already knew in my heart who'd be willing to help me out the most. I admit that I made a mistake. I hurt Phun by allowing someone else to offer a hand to help me when it should've been him.
In reality, I just don't want to be a burden to Phun because I know very well that he's someone who will help me out the most. I know very well that the person who would happily rush over to give me the money once it is available would be Phun. I trust him 100%. I trust him so much that I never tried to rush him and I never even pestered him about the money. I knew that he would never just disregard the problems I was facing.
I didn't even mean to ask Earn for help, not even for a little bit. What I talked to him about barely qualified as asking for advice. I didn't think that he'd help me this much either (since he has his own budget issues to deal with for his cheer team).
I really never meant for anybody to get in between Phun and me.
"Damn it, damn it, damn it." It's no use just laying here and obsessing over this. He's probably so mad at me right now. (I would be if I were him.) I thought about this before I decide to throw off my socks and leave to get the keys to the motorcycle right away.
"Ma, I'll be right back." I totter my way down the stairs and I see my parents watching a movie together. They acknowledged me with a wave so I leave to push my trusty motorcycle and face the world together once again.
I don't get a chance to turn the ignition since I notice a pale face which belongs to that certain jerk. He's sitting by the potted plants near the gate and catches me by surprise, "Yo! What the hell?! What are you doing sitting there in silence?!"
"Oh, where are you off to?" Phun notices that I'm about to leave my house with my motorcycle. He quickly walks up to me and asks the question. So what am I supposed to tell him?
"What about you? How come you haven't gotten yourself home yet?" Based on my observations from head to toe, he's still wearing a full uniform, complete with the white socks, a pair of leather shoes and the school bag. It's clear that he hasn't been home yet.
"I..." He opens his mouth to say something but falls silent. I'm trying to look into those sharp eyes of his, but he keeps averting my gaze. Phun places his school bag on my motorcycle, it feels like he's trying to stop me from leaving. "What about you? Where are you off to?"
Basically, questions are being thrown around but neither of us are answering. -_-"
I glance at his face which still has a displeased expression on it. (Why the heck are you here if you're still mad at me?) I grab his school bag and hand it over to him before I yank at the tall guy to get on the motorcycle. "You hungry?" He shakes his head. "Well, I am." Whatever, I make him get on the back and drive off with the motorcycle blasting loud noises in the street.
We make our way through the empty streets of Ekamai Road (where I live) to Thong Lo Road (where Phun lives). Aren't we cool? We're not even wearing any helmets and both of us are still wearing the school uniforms (which dictates that we definitely do not have a driver's license) but that's okay, my pa has connections. (Does he, really?) Haha, I'm only kidding. I stop whenever I spot a traffic police officer and their white helmet, which reminds me of a ping pong ball. ^^"
We finally escape jail time and arrive to the intersection between Thong Lo Road and Sukhumvit Road. I decide to stop in front of a rice porridge restaurant. I figure that it probably won't help my good looks if we were to eat such a big meal when it's already 10 pm.
"If you wanna eat here then you might as well go to Oishi Buffet." He complains with a smile when he sees the sign which says "Thong Lor Congee." I don't really care since I'm loaded, hahaha. Not really. The thing is, the daughter of the owner is pretty. I come here to eat often since I like looking at her, heh heh.
We eat from our own bowl in silence after we placed the order. I glance at the bastard who said that he wasn't hungry but somehow ordered a second bowl. This is the very same bastard who complained about the price, yet ordered some more anyway. I chuckle to myself as I watch him eat. He sees me so he kicks my legs from under the table, "what's so funny?"
"I guess I need to get my ears checked. I thought I heard someone said that he wasn't hungry earlier." I make fun of him as I drink some Pepsi through a straw. I already finished my bowl of rice porridge, but Phun is still eating his second bowl. "Yeah, I wonder how you're the president of the music club when you have hearing problems." Oh, you're coming for me after I made a small joke?
"Asshole." I return a kick under the table. He flinches and almost burns himself with the hot congee. I can't help but laugh at him.
"You're making fucking a mess. Look at you eating like a kindergartner. Take this, take this." I pull out a napkin and hand it over to Phun. I'm not even trying to stifle my laughter when I see him trying to clean up using the back of his hand. He accepts the napkin while looking slightly annoyed, "And whose fault is this?" Heh heh heh.
We continue to eat the rice porridge (well, he's eating his and I'm drinking my Pepsi through a straw) and mess around with each other. Phun finally shoves the last bite of congee in his mouth, "This is good. I've never been here before. I pass by it often though," he tells me.
"I hear this place is on the same street as your house." I reply sarcastically before I quickly move my legs away since I have a feeling that he'd kick me again. "Oh, didn't think you'd be quick enough." Eh, I still got insulted by this bastard somehow
I watch as Phun swallows the last bit of congee, follow by big gulps of his drink. His smile can be seen through the bottom of the clear glass. "You were gonna go see me, weren't ya?" Ugh, this bastard. Why'd he bring that up all of a sudden?
I raise my brows mockingly and whistle instead of answering him. I can hear a faint laughter which only fuels my annoyance. I really want to kick him in the shin again.
We both sit in silence. I pretend to ignore him for a while by not directly looking at him.
"I'm sorry." However, the person who breaks the silence isn't me. I immediately turn and look at him. Why is Phun apologizing to me?
"Why are you apologizing to me?" The words leave my lips as quickly as I am able to think of them. I see Phun purses his lips together tightly as if he is about to make a long speech.
"Well, I...lost my temper this afternoon. I'm sorry. I probably startled you."
"So what happened to you?"
At this point, he lets out a big sigh. "Because you...why didn't you just fucking tell me that you needed help? And you went to Earn instead? Who the hell is he to you? I wouldn't have minded if someone from your club helped you out. But Earn? Who the hell is he even? Why did you have him help you? What about me? Am I useless in your eyes? Do I mean anything to you at all?" Yikes...this guy. It seems like he had this bottled up. He goes on and on so I pretend to hand him a glass of water since his throat might be dry. "Don't get fucking smart with me. Answer me." Jeez, I'm being nice but he says I'm getting smart with him? What the hell?
"I didn't mean to tell Earn about it that day. He was just asking me how the band was doing so I was mindlessly ranting. Who could've known that he'd drag me to an ATM to transfer the money at 8 pm? I was pretty shocked myself."
"So why didn't you tell me right when Boss Pui delivered those drums?" Dang. His tone is starting to get really aggressive, everybody.
"Because I knew that you were already trying your best. I believed you when you told me that you'd get me the money so I didn't wanna pester you about it. You'd give me the money whenever you get it." I answer him. I see that he's smiling and seems to be pleased with my answer. But then his expression returns to being grim, "Yet you were acting all needy with Earn?"
"What the fuck? I wasn't." I really needed to kick him in the shin once more. I've had it.
He laughs as he tries to dodge (but fails) before he gets up and pulls out his wallet. "My treat. Excuse me, check please." He mutters the first part to me softly before he raises a finger to get the owner's attention. I stand up too, then I follow him outside.
Seeing his broad back in front of me makes me want to say something too.
"I'm...sorry too. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."
That wide grin from Phun is what I wanted the most. I smile back at him before he reaches his arm over my shoulders so we can walk together.
The two of us ride the motorcycle in the dark, passing through plenty of cars which are likely filled with those that enjoy the nightlife, before we finally arrive at a huge mansion's gate. (We had to stop to avoid police officers occasionally.) I can see that the lights are still on in some of the rooms even though it is nearly midnight now.
"Did you tell anybody that you'd be home late?" I ask him as I park the motorcycle.
"I did. I told Pang I'd be out with you. Heh heh."
"You always cause troubles for me!" This bastard! I swing my leg, intending to kick his ass while he gets off the motorcycle. However, he manages to dodge it and laughs at me.
"See ya around." Never mind, I guess. I wave goodbye to him before I prepare to leave. I would've made it to the main street by now if he hadn't called out my name.
"Noh..."
"What's up?" I pause and turn around. I don't hear an answer from him. Phun walks closer to me. I stare at his hands as he reaches around my neck intending to do something. "What the hell are you doing?!"
"Just stay still." His hands move about around my neck for a while. I finally realize what is going on when the dog tag is removed from my neck. "Aren't you ashamed of wearing something that belongs to the cheer team?" He tells me and I actually agree with him. "Yes, I am. I forgot to take it off. I was so busy. Thanks for reminding me." I tell him as I reach my hand over to take the dog tag that Earn put on me this afternoon, but Phun drops it in his shirt pocket instead. This bastard is such a smartass.
"I'll give it back to Earn myself." That'll look bad though! My mouth is agape from not understanding him.
"I'll return it myself." Thus, The War of the Dog Tag has commenced. I lean over intending to grab the necklace but he dodges me and pushes me in the head. This jerk, does he think that that he can do whatever he wants just because he's taller than me?!
"You can never say no to people. You'll just keep wearing it if he pressures you to. I'll return it." He tells me while he pats his pocket to let me know that he is not giving it back to me. He's right though, now that I think about it. I really don't put up much of a fight. When somebody practically forces me to do something, I usually give in to them. I mean, look at Phun for example. This is how I got myself into this situation in the first place.
"Alright, I'll leave it up to you then."
"And don't go accepting stuff from random people. Especially from Earn." What Phun is telling me makes me feel peculiar. It's almost like...he's more upset at the fact that I accepted the dog tag from Earn rather than the fact that I accepted a dog tag that rightfully belongs to the cheer team.
"Phun..." I softly call out his name. He turns to look at me.
"What's up?" His reply is so gentle that I'm finding it difficult to speak.
"We don't actually belong to one another, you know..."
Even though I was the one who said those words, I can't help but feel a tightness in my chest. What about Phun then? This probably affects him even more than it does me.
Nevertheless, I have to keep saying these things. We both need to remind ourselves about this as often as possible. The truth is...I'm only telling myself this so I'd be able to cope with the fact that there is no "us."
A small lonesome smile curls around Phun's lips before he walks closer to me. He looks at me while he reaches over and gently caresses my cheek.
"Just because we talked about it...it doesn't mean I'd be able to get over you right then and there." He looks into my eyes while giving me a smile. I can't help but wonder, would it be too much if we continue being just friends like this?
Before I am able to say another word, Phun's familiar face moves closer to mine. I can feel his breaths. I tense up and close my eyes tightly. I feel something soft and plump but full of warmth touching my forehead. This lasts for a moment before he pulls away.
I mockingly raise one of my brows in order to hide my embarrassment. "Probably the most we'd be able to do, heh heh."
"Still better than nothing." Phun tells me before he gives me a wave which tells me that he's about to head inside his home. "Drive safe, okay?"
"Yeah. See you."
I don't know what these feelings of sharp pains that are filling up inside me really mean.
I honestly don't know.
